Wednesday 21st September 19:18
Why did I create this blog? It's something I've never done done before nor did I ever think I would create a blog. I created this blog as a sort diary to log my progress on abstaining from masturbation and viewing any form of porn.
I've been masturbating to porn since the age of 14, I am now 26 years of age, that's an awful lot of masturbation! Often I'd masturbate on average 3 times a day in my teens, up to 8 times I think was my 'personal best'
I've done my research on this topic of masturbation and porn and I believe that too much porn and masturbation is the cause of my problem.
My problem is that I am unable to reach orgasm with a woman when performing intercourse. I can however orgasm from a handjob from my girlfriend. I believe my body has conditioned it's self to reach orgasm through stimulation of the penis with a hand. A hand can obviously create a tighter grip than a woman's vagina. Over time excessive masturbation has reduced the dopamine levels/receptors in my brain, therefore reducing my penis sensitivity.
On Monday my girlfriend called me, she wanted to end the relationship, to cut it short one of the reasons was my whole sex issue. To be fair I can see her point of view, she did ask me to go the doctors to get myself checked out, I put it off and out it off hoping the problem would go away and I wouldn't have to endure the shame of revealing my lack of manliness to a complete stranger?
How could I do that to a girl I really like? It wasn't intentional, I'd never go out to hurt her. She really is a great girl, we get on well, she gets on with my family, and I fancied her from the moment I laid eyes on her in that bar last year.
But I digress. We're now on a 3 week 'break'.(I broke the break by informing her of my visit to the doctors, I promised her I would go today) This break will give me the opportunity to abstain and try and fix my problem and generally improve myself overall. I hope we can reconcile at the end of this period when I'm fixed and give her the proper loving, fulfilling relationship she deserves. If things don't work out, it will be a shame, but life goes on doesn't it, I should prepare for this worst and hope for the best.
Onto the doctors visit. I basically informed him of my problem and what I thought was the reason behind it. I wanted to rule out any physical problems - he agreed I probably didn't have any physical problems as I could actually get an erection. He went on to suggest maybe bringing in porn in to the bedroom and sex toys.
He also said he could prescribe viagra, but it would probably cost me as I have no physical problems, however he said he may be able to get around that.
My views are that I don't want to be reliant on porn for sexual gratification, he (the doctor) even mentioned 'don't look at the fire when you're poking it, look at the monitor or tv during sex' . I mentioned this to my ex and she didn't seem up for it, and I agree it's not right.
Now I need to stay strong and focus on sorting myself out. I'm going to exercise more often, eat healthier. I've already started taking multivitamins.
Progress so far: day 3 without masturbation and day 2 without looking at any form of porn. I'm feeling quite strong and positive about this, I believe I can do it. after all, earlier in the year I committed to eating healthier and exercising more and subsequently lost 2 stone 6 pounds or 34 pounds for the American readers.