Friday, 30 September 2011

Friday 30th September 22:30

12 days without M, 11 without P.

Not the best I've felt since giving up M/P, certainly not the worst though. I have to ride this storm though, all part of the recovery process.

Thursday, 29 September 2011

29th September 19:47

11 days without M, 10 without P.
Mood is really good. Libido is still low. I also managed to get to sleep at around 12am for a change last night, since last Monday I've been suffering with insomnia. I hope the insomnia is over.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Wednesday 28th September 18:58

10 days without M, 9 without P.

Today I woke up to morning wood after having sexy dreams, the first time that has happened for some time.
Mood is still generally upbeat, although I'm feeling a bit tired at the moment.

In all honesty I'm not missing P or M at the moment, I wonder if this will change when my libido changes?

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Tuesday 27th September 23:44

9 days without M 8 without P.

Just a quick update tonight. Feeling positive, no slump in mood today. Libido is still low, no morning wood, but that's no concern for me, as I know this process doesn't work over night, but it WILL work given time.

Just say no to P and M!


Monday, 26 September 2011

Monday 26th September 18:59

8 days without M 7 without P

10 days is my previous record without M and possibly 3 days without P.
Today my mood has been good, I've more been sociable with my family. I also reached my target weight. Now it's time to gain weight in the form of muscle :)

I had a sunshower before, following the shower I rubbed in some moisturiser to stop my skin drying on. I rubbed some on my penis and the sensitivity in increasing!

Onwards and upwards!

Sunday, 25 September 2011

Sunday 25th September 20:58

7 days without M 6 days without P

I woke up today in a decent mood with a morning semi (not quite wood) the best I've felt for some time, I guess that's a sign of improvement. From what I've read, after orgasm your testosterone fluctuates for 2 weeks, but after 7 days it will increase briefly.

How long is the passion cycle on average? No one yet knows. We do know that in human males the neurochemical sequence after ejaculation is at least 7 days. (Testosterone predictably spikes briefly around day seven.) However, men and women who observe themselves carefully notice changes in mood that flicker on and off for about two weeks. Perhaps this cycle is an evolutionary remnant of an ancestor's mating season.

However the good mood didn't last too long and I'm feeling a bit down again.

I've just remember that I haven't actually masturbated for 11 days as on the 15th and 17th I received a handjob  from my girl, therefore I'm doing better than I actually thought, masturbation wise at least.

Although my general mood is low, I'm still feeling positive about fixing myself. If other people can, then I can.

Saturday, 24 September 2011

Saturday 24th September 18:17

Day 6 without M 5 without P.

I'm over that depressive episode from last night. Alcohol and a low mood don't mix for me.
Libido is still low, no cravings to look at porn at all.

Still chasing my tail in regards to what to do about my girl. Call her up and get things sorted now, explain to her that this issue can be sorted as shown by people's personal stories on various forums on the web.
Then I take the risk of coming across as needy, which is a major attraction killer. Women run on emotions and cannot be won over with 'loigc' it makes sense in any males mind, but doesn't mean much to a woman. I guess it's a case of hanging in there and playing the waiting game.

Friday, 23 September 2011

Saturday 24th September 1:33 AM.

"Home early" he exclaimed. Of course I was home early. Ended up in the place I met her. Why go back to the gold mine when you've relieved it of all it's gold. She really was head and shoulders above the rabble there. Yeh I fucked things up for being a sad little wanker. Feeling so down right now. Why did I take her for granted? Why did I carry on wanking whilst with her. When walking him I felt like sticking a sharp knife through my heart. What use am I to nature? I cant spread my seed to another female to carry on the human race. Utter waste of  flesh I'm feeling right now.
Friday 23rd September 20:38

Day 5 of no M, day 4 of no P.
Just a quick update tonight. Mood has been a bit lower than yesterday. Have been feeling a bit anxious/unsettled. I'm off out for a few drinks with my mates tonight, I'm hoping the alcohol doesn't depress me. Still feeling quite positive overall, I've been reading accounts of people who have recovered which is heartening to read and fills me with confidence I can fix this, whether it takes 3 weeks or 3 months I'm going to stick with it, I have to.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Thursday 22nd September 22:20

4 days without M, 3 days without P.
Mood is generally better than the last few days, no headaches today. Although I'd probably attribute the low mood and headaches due to the breakup of me and my girl. I haven't had any cravings to view porn or to masturbate. Libido is non existent at present - all part and parcel of the healing process from what I've read up

I went the gym today, did a bit of cardio, wasn't the best workout I've ever had, but feel better for it.

Current thoughts on relationship are it's probably for the best we don't get back together, that way there's no pressure on me to perform every time we meet and she won't be waiting around getting more frustrated as time goes on.

In a way I feel bad and a bit selfish for thinking this way, as she has all the attributes I could want in a girl, however I must put myself and my recovery first, whatever happens I'll always be here until death, will she? possibly, but it's not guaranteed.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Day 1 of blogging, 3 days without masturbation

Wednesday 21st September 19:18

Why did I create this blog? It's something I've never done done before nor did I ever think I would create a blog. I created this blog as a sort diary to log my progress on abstaining from masturbation and viewing any form of porn.

I've been masturbating to porn since the age of 14, I am now 26 years of age, that's an awful lot of masturbation! Often I'd masturbate on average 3 times a day in my teens, up to 8 times I think was my 'personal best'

I've done my research on this topic of masturbation and porn and I believe that too much porn and masturbation is the cause of my problem.

My problem is that I am unable to reach orgasm with a woman when performing intercourse. I can however orgasm from a handjob from my girlfriend. I believe my body has conditioned it's self to reach orgasm through stimulation of the penis with a hand. A hand can obviously create a tighter grip than a woman's vagina. Over time excessive masturbation has reduced the dopamine levels/receptors in my brain, therefore reducing my penis sensitivity.

On Monday my girlfriend called me, she wanted to end the relationship, to cut it short one of the reasons was my whole sex issue. To be fair I can see her point of view, she did ask me to go the doctors to get myself checked out, I put it off and out it off hoping the problem would go away and I wouldn't have to endure the shame of revealing my lack of manliness to a complete stranger?

How could I do that to a girl I really like? It wasn't intentional, I'd never go out to hurt her. She really is a great girl, we get on well, she gets on with my family, and I fancied her from the moment I laid eyes on her in that bar last year.

But I digress. We're now on a 3 week 'break'.(I broke the break by informing her of my visit to the doctors, I promised her I would go today) This break will give me the opportunity to abstain and try and fix my problem and generally improve myself overall. I hope we can reconcile at the end of this period when I'm fixed and give her the proper loving, fulfilling relationship she deserves. If things don't work out, it will be a shame, but life goes on doesn't it, I should prepare for this worst and hope for the best.

Onto the doctors visit. I basically informed him of my problem and what I thought was the reason behind it. I wanted to rule out any physical problems - he agreed I probably didn't have any physical problems as I could actually get an erection. He went on to suggest maybe bringing in porn in to the bedroom and sex toys.
He also said he could prescribe viagra, but it would probably cost me as I have no physical problems, however he said he may be able to get around that.

My views are that I don't want to be reliant on porn for sexual gratification, he (the doctor) even mentioned 'don't look at the fire when you're poking it, look at the monitor or tv during sex' . I mentioned this to my ex and she didn't seem up for it, and I agree it's not right.

Now I need to stay strong and focus on sorting myself out. I'm going to exercise more often, eat healthier. I've already started taking multivitamins.

Progress so far: day 3 without masturbation and day 2 without looking at any form of porn. I'm feeling quite strong and positive about this, I believe I can do it. after all, earlier in the year I committed to eating healthier and exercising more and subsequently lost 2 stone 6 pounds or 34 pounds for the American readers.